Donnerstag, 21. September 2006
The Language of Love
stern-am-himmel, 09:25h
Using a lingua franca in a relationship
A pretty girl catches your eye. You walk over and say hello, only to discover that lack of a common language prevents you from properly introducing yourself. No chance for further developments, of course.
Herzschatten am Strand by photocase user Circleview
Body language can say more than a thousand words
Not so fast, says Dr. Jane Elizabeth Dum, a professional counselor with a private practice in Munich. Dum will tell you that she has actually counseled a couple where there was no common language. “They managed to somehow talk with body language,” she said, adding that “it wasn’t a highly intellectual discussion.”
Naturally this more extreme language-barrier relationship is not your everyday find. But what you will be able to see in every city in Germany – and in any city around the world for that matter – are relationships where one partner is learning the other’s language so that the two can communicate properly.
Dum, an American who received her master’s in psychology from the University of Chicago and recently completed a five-year training program in psychotherapy in Germany, moved to Munich 30 years ago after meeting the man who would eventually become her husband.
She offers some interesting insight for those involved in a relationship where the language barrier prevents easy conversation or the broaching of certain topics due to lack of vocabulary. Perhaps most interesting to hear is that language barriers alone present no major obstacles in a relationship.
“Eighty percent of our communication is non-verbal,” said Dum. “To take a simple example, you don’t need to know how much money someone has in the bank to know they are doing well. When someone is doing well you can just see it.”
More than words
Osmany Hernandez
Osmany Hernandez
Osmany Hernandez says that as far as his relationship goes, Dum is right on the money. Like Dum, he feels that a language barrier in itself presents no threat to the relationship.
“Language is a big part of communication, but there are many ways to communicate feelings non-verbally,” said Hernandez, who moved to Germany from Cuba in December 2003 and married his partner Georg in February 2005 (under federal law same-sex marriages are legal in Germany).
Hernandez met Georg in October 2004, at which time Hernandez had established a basic foundation of the German language. In the beginning, he and George spoke mostly English, eventually switching to German as Hernandez’s German outpaced his partner’s English.
But it was more than just a matter of convenience, explains Hernandez: “By pushing me to talk with others, Georg really motivated me to use my German. He recognized that by learning the language I would better understand the German culture and ultimately fit in.”
Know thy culture
It’s this cultural side of things that presents the real challenges, says Dum. “If those in the relationship love each other then they understand each other on a much deeper level, and the language becomes less important. But cultural differences are tougher to overcome. Cultural issues are the big ones.”
Just ask Sandra Bahroun, who met Slimen while on vacation in Tunisia in August 1996. After a six-month relationship that involved a few trips to each other’s countries, Slimen packed up and moved over to Germany in April 1997. The two married two months later.
Like Hernandez (and echoing the sentiments of Dum), Bahroun said the language barrier was never a problem for the two. “I could not speak naturally like I could with my German friends. But when you love the person it is no problem. When it comes to communicating, you can always find ways to understand each other.”
Sandra explained that in the beginning the two communicated in Italian, though both had a limited grasp of the language. Slimen began taking German courses as soon as he moved to Munich, and he and Bahroun switched immediately to Sandra’s mother tongue.
Slimen learned the language quickly enough, said Bahroun, but it didn’t help in bridging the cultural differences. “With time, we found out that the differences were too great to overcome.
“The problem was I never really knew him,” continued Sandra, whose marriage to Slimen ended in 2002. “But again, that had nothing to do with the language. It just takes time to get to know someone.”
So it seems we’ve come full circle. At least we can all fall back on some parental words of wisdom and take comfort in the fact that our folks offer no advice, just a healthy dose of reality: “Relationships are tough” – even when you speak the language of love.
A pretty girl catches your eye. You walk over and say hello, only to discover that lack of a common language prevents you from properly introducing yourself. No chance for further developments, of course.
Herzschatten am Strand by photocase user Circleview
Body language can say more than a thousand words
Not so fast, says Dr. Jane Elizabeth Dum, a professional counselor with a private practice in Munich. Dum will tell you that she has actually counseled a couple where there was no common language. “They managed to somehow talk with body language,” she said, adding that “it wasn’t a highly intellectual discussion.”
Naturally this more extreme language-barrier relationship is not your everyday find. But what you will be able to see in every city in Germany – and in any city around the world for that matter – are relationships where one partner is learning the other’s language so that the two can communicate properly.
Dum, an American who received her master’s in psychology from the University of Chicago and recently completed a five-year training program in psychotherapy in Germany, moved to Munich 30 years ago after meeting the man who would eventually become her husband.
She offers some interesting insight for those involved in a relationship where the language barrier prevents easy conversation or the broaching of certain topics due to lack of vocabulary. Perhaps most interesting to hear is that language barriers alone present no major obstacles in a relationship.
“Eighty percent of our communication is non-verbal,” said Dum. “To take a simple example, you don’t need to know how much money someone has in the bank to know they are doing well. When someone is doing well you can just see it.”
More than words
Osmany Hernandez
Osmany Hernandez
Osmany Hernandez says that as far as his relationship goes, Dum is right on the money. Like Dum, he feels that a language barrier in itself presents no threat to the relationship.
“Language is a big part of communication, but there are many ways to communicate feelings non-verbally,” said Hernandez, who moved to Germany from Cuba in December 2003 and married his partner Georg in February 2005 (under federal law same-sex marriages are legal in Germany).
Hernandez met Georg in October 2004, at which time Hernandez had established a basic foundation of the German language. In the beginning, he and George spoke mostly English, eventually switching to German as Hernandez’s German outpaced his partner’s English.
But it was more than just a matter of convenience, explains Hernandez: “By pushing me to talk with others, Georg really motivated me to use my German. He recognized that by learning the language I would better understand the German culture and ultimately fit in.”
Know thy culture
It’s this cultural side of things that presents the real challenges, says Dum. “If those in the relationship love each other then they understand each other on a much deeper level, and the language becomes less important. But cultural differences are tougher to overcome. Cultural issues are the big ones.”
Just ask Sandra Bahroun, who met Slimen while on vacation in Tunisia in August 1996. After a six-month relationship that involved a few trips to each other’s countries, Slimen packed up and moved over to Germany in April 1997. The two married two months later.
Like Hernandez (and echoing the sentiments of Dum), Bahroun said the language barrier was never a problem for the two. “I could not speak naturally like I could with my German friends. But when you love the person it is no problem. When it comes to communicating, you can always find ways to understand each other.”
Sandra explained that in the beginning the two communicated in Italian, though both had a limited grasp of the language. Slimen began taking German courses as soon as he moved to Munich, and he and Bahroun switched immediately to Sandra’s mother tongue.
Slimen learned the language quickly enough, said Bahroun, but it didn’t help in bridging the cultural differences. “With time, we found out that the differences were too great to overcome.
“The problem was I never really knew him,” continued Sandra, whose marriage to Slimen ended in 2002. “But again, that had nothing to do with the language. It just takes time to get to know someone.”
So it seems we’ve come full circle. At least we can all fall back on some parental words of wisdom and take comfort in the fact that our folks offer no advice, just a healthy dose of reality: “Relationships are tough” – even when you speak the language of love.
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Freitag, 4. August 2006
We were drifters - the 3rd day in Paris
stern-am-himmel, 00:02h
One of my good female friend made some comment, after she saw our pictures. ----" You both look just not like travelers but drifters."
Actually i have no idea why we looked so embarrassed.
Maybe due to the hurry schedule and the " Breakfast-to-go" for every morning. :(
Some would wonder why don't we enjoy the savory french-style food. We WANTED, but you know after seeing the wonderful price we just gave it up.
Lots of bon vivant were sitting in the boat for having a delicious meal with music and the romantic view of Seine. ----about 38 Euro for a dinner. Ya, and it was the cheapest one.
As for those restaurants on the street.....about 15~ 30 Euro for a lunch or dinner.
However, it is already the 3rd day of our trip. So we took RER to Palace of Versailles.
RER- just like RE in Germany
and I spend 1.21 Euro for these french cheese
Es war sehr lecker~ very nice the flavor~
Finally we arrived this Palace of Versailles.
See? Two drifters in front of Versailles :D
The weather was a bit cloudy and without sun
Actually i have no idea why we looked so embarrassed.
Maybe due to the hurry schedule and the " Breakfast-to-go" for every morning. :(
Some would wonder why don't we enjoy the savory french-style food. We WANTED, but you know after seeing the wonderful price we just gave it up.
Lots of bon vivant were sitting in the boat for having a delicious meal with music and the romantic view of Seine. ----about 38 Euro for a dinner. Ya, and it was the cheapest one.
As for those restaurants on the street.....about 15~ 30 Euro for a lunch or dinner.
However, it is already the 3rd day of our trip. So we took RER to Palace of Versailles.
RER- just like RE in Germany
and I spend 1.21 Euro for these french cheese
Es war sehr lecker~ very nice the flavor~
Finally we arrived this Palace of Versailles.
See? Two drifters in front of Versailles :D
The weather was a bit cloudy and without sun
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Mittwoch, 2. August 2006
Bonjour, Madame
stern-am-himmel, 16:10h
Our adventure started with the first greeting word from a man in the metro..... Bonjour, Madame.
it was a nice weather in Aachen on that day, after 3 hrs-Journey I arrived the heart of France- Paris.
This is the train Thalys, it was called westrail before 1995, after that, the Belgium company combined the railroad from Amsterdam , Brussels, Paris, and now to Koeln. Of course it must go pass by our Aix-la-Chapelle:)
To my surprise, the sitting place was crowded inside of the train.
Thalys International--it is called.
Gare du Nord- the train station in the north of Paris
Outside of the station, a transparent side entrance with the hell view inside of the hall
The Metro in Paris, with the fast speed of step
Inside of the Metro, this is not the rush hour however :P
Normally it was about every 2 mins comes a metro..
(I like the green color of the outside part)
Galance of the 3er room, we stayed with a canadian girl for the first night
My first cup of Cafe' ole in Paris, but anyway it's not the real kind of flaovor i would say. :P
---THE 2nd DAY----
Our breakfast ...man, without cheese...it seems like german breakfast is much more nicer
After the without-cheese-breakfast, we arrived La Defense.
La Defense, which is the biggest business idstrict in Europe. it is 110m high
The district marks the endpoint of the Historical Axis, which commences at the Louvre and crosses the Champs-Élysées and the Arc de Triomphe
La Défense is named for the statue, La Défense de Paris, which was built in 1883 to commemorate the soldiers who had defended Paris during the Franco-Prussian War.
Arc de Triomphe, with the blue blue sky
If someone travels to Paris without visiting the Eifel tower, it is not a trip at all.
approaching the Eifel tower
Which one looks nicer?
most man would say, this one....
I was under the Eifel. quite amazing that it is so huge
it was said that this huge metal tower was build by a french engineer, who is called Alexandre Gustave Eiffel . I was curiused about the eifel region near Aachen, which has the same name with this great guy in France. Not to my surprise, Alexandre Gustave Eiffel, whose name was adopted by one of his German ancestors, and actually his birthplace Marmagen located in the Eifel , not too far from Aachen....
Ciao, Eifel.. we were heading toward to the Museum Organge.
this is the "RER" in Paris, looks like RE in Germany
Museum Orange, 4.5 Euro for students
We were lucky to see the paintings from the French Impressionist painter, Monet
see this picture? wait a min....got to take a look at the next one
here you go
actually i was having the same kind of face expression like this guy in the photo.
On the other side of the museum
it took us about 2 hrs to go through all of the artistists' works
i was quite surprised that i can make photos inside...hehe
See the name at the bottom?
YES, it is the wellknown guy that you know.
A cute, finger big decoration filled with some fake paintings
Main Entrance Museum Orange
Before the closing time of the museum, we heard some announcement..." The Orange Shop will be closed in 50 mins...." So we went to see what's going on there.
Lots of different Impression paintings made into postcards
Back to hostel
Metro-- Concorde
Easy to see....it is rush hour , he
Speed
Before settling to hostel, we stopped and got out of the metro to take a look of the noisy street in Paris.
If you are a shopping-fan, u got to know this word if you are in Paris.
YES, it is Angebot, sales, S-O-L-D-E-S
yeah....Actually I am not a kind of shopping-fan or a girl that cannot behave herself when going pass by this famous shopping street in Paris, so to say, in the whole world.------- Champs-Élysées
However, i was staying outside of the shop to see the "Picture-LIVE" of Paris while my good friend was hunting some goods.
So i got some good pictures. : )
A movie theather on the Champs-Elysees
Today is a long day.
After putting stuff back to hostel, we started off again, direction--- Notre-Dame de Chartres
The last time to hear about this beautiful church was because of Quasimodo.
Let's review who Quasimodo is.
Rund shipping on Seine.
looks quite interesting, so we decided to try.
We planed to take the BATOBUS on Seine,
but as we just wanted to board, it started to rain.
Not the normal rain, the strong wind kept my eyes from opening.
So, i was despairing to see on the bridge across the Seine. Just let the wind and rain to slash on my skin---oh ja, and made some pictures for fun.
See what it is?
You are right. It's the CUP.
After i took this pic , some people were gathering behind us to see what i was doing.
---------A wet girl with a camera bag and Stativ sitting on the ground of the bridge above Seine. (many prapositions, ha)
and of course, with some self-developing pictures.
The strong rain didn't want to stop at all.
so we found a Kneipe to take a rest.
I had a Cafe o le for 5.6 Euro, quite expensive, but as you know, it's on the left side of the Seine.
inside of the keinpe
A love couple sitting across us.
ACTION
GO
finally i smiled because of sawing the lovely kiss :)
Notre-Dame, which is considered one of the finest examples in all France of the "Gothic" style of architecture.
Notre Dame in the dark =.=
it was raining for almost 4 hrs on that night
BUT...
However, god bless me.
After settling down my Stativ, i suddently catched this light ! YES , it is the light !
While I was reading the books about Notre Dame, the most amazing part to me are the stained-glass windows, which are the glory of Chartres.
However, we weren't so lucky to see the beautiful light and shadow from the colorful windows in the church. One reason, it was already 22:00 in the night =.= ; second, althought we passed by Notre Dame on the last day of the trip, but it was noon, so there was still no beautiful light that was crossing the wonderful stained windows.... what a pitty !
The last pic of that night.
Notre Dame with the light
it was a nice weather in Aachen on that day, after 3 hrs-Journey I arrived the heart of France- Paris.
This is the train Thalys, it was called westrail before 1995, after that, the Belgium company combined the railroad from Amsterdam , Brussels, Paris, and now to Koeln. Of course it must go pass by our Aix-la-Chapelle:)
To my surprise, the sitting place was crowded inside of the train.
Thalys International--it is called.
Gare du Nord- the train station in the north of Paris
Outside of the station, a transparent side entrance with the hell view inside of the hall
The Metro in Paris, with the fast speed of step
Inside of the Metro, this is not the rush hour however :P
Normally it was about every 2 mins comes a metro..
(I like the green color of the outside part)
Galance of the 3er room, we stayed with a canadian girl for the first night
My first cup of Cafe' ole in Paris, but anyway it's not the real kind of flaovor i would say. :P
---THE 2nd DAY----
Our breakfast ...man, without cheese...it seems like german breakfast is much more nicer
After the without-cheese-breakfast, we arrived La Defense.
La Defense, which is the biggest business idstrict in Europe. it is 110m high
The district marks the endpoint of the Historical Axis, which commences at the Louvre and crosses the Champs-Élysées and the Arc de Triomphe
La Défense is named for the statue, La Défense de Paris, which was built in 1883 to commemorate the soldiers who had defended Paris during the Franco-Prussian War.
Arc de Triomphe, with the blue blue sky
If someone travels to Paris without visiting the Eifel tower, it is not a trip at all.
approaching the Eifel tower
Which one looks nicer?
most man would say, this one....
I was under the Eifel. quite amazing that it is so huge
it was said that this huge metal tower was build by a french engineer, who is called Alexandre Gustave Eiffel . I was curiused about the eifel region near Aachen, which has the same name with this great guy in France. Not to my surprise, Alexandre Gustave Eiffel, whose name was adopted by one of his German ancestors, and actually his birthplace Marmagen located in the Eifel , not too far from Aachen....
Ciao, Eifel.. we were heading toward to the Museum Organge.
this is the "RER" in Paris, looks like RE in Germany
Museum Orange, 4.5 Euro for students
We were lucky to see the paintings from the French Impressionist painter, Monet
see this picture? wait a min....got to take a look at the next one
here you go
actually i was having the same kind of face expression like this guy in the photo.
On the other side of the museum
it took us about 2 hrs to go through all of the artistists' works
i was quite surprised that i can make photos inside...hehe
See the name at the bottom?
YES, it is the wellknown guy that you know.
A cute, finger big decoration filled with some fake paintings
Main Entrance Museum Orange
Before the closing time of the museum, we heard some announcement..." The Orange Shop will be closed in 50 mins...." So we went to see what's going on there.
Lots of different Impression paintings made into postcards
Back to hostel
Metro-- Concorde
Easy to see....it is rush hour , he
Speed
Before settling to hostel, we stopped and got out of the metro to take a look of the noisy street in Paris.
If you are a shopping-fan, u got to know this word if you are in Paris.
YES, it is Angebot, sales, S-O-L-D-E-S
yeah....Actually I am not a kind of shopping-fan or a girl that cannot behave herself when going pass by this famous shopping street in Paris, so to say, in the whole world.------- Champs-Élysées
However, i was staying outside of the shop to see the "Picture-LIVE" of Paris while my good friend was hunting some goods.
So i got some good pictures. : )
A movie theather on the Champs-Elysees
Today is a long day.
After putting stuff back to hostel, we started off again, direction--- Notre-Dame de Chartres
The last time to hear about this beautiful church was because of Quasimodo.
Let's review who Quasimodo is.
Rund shipping on Seine.
looks quite interesting, so we decided to try.
We planed to take the BATOBUS on Seine,
but as we just wanted to board, it started to rain.
Not the normal rain, the strong wind kept my eyes from opening.
So, i was despairing to see on the bridge across the Seine. Just let the wind and rain to slash on my skin---oh ja, and made some pictures for fun.
See what it is?
You are right. It's the CUP.
After i took this pic , some people were gathering behind us to see what i was doing.
---------A wet girl with a camera bag and Stativ sitting on the ground of the bridge above Seine. (many prapositions, ha)
and of course, with some self-developing pictures.
The strong rain didn't want to stop at all.
so we found a Kneipe to take a rest.
I had a Cafe o le for 5.6 Euro, quite expensive, but as you know, it's on the left side of the Seine.
inside of the keinpe
A love couple sitting across us.
ACTION
GO
finally i smiled because of sawing the lovely kiss :)
Notre-Dame, which is considered one of the finest examples in all France of the "Gothic" style of architecture.
Notre Dame in the dark =.=
it was raining for almost 4 hrs on that night
BUT...
However, god bless me.
After settling down my Stativ, i suddently catched this light ! YES , it is the light !
While I was reading the books about Notre Dame, the most amazing part to me are the stained-glass windows, which are the glory of Chartres.
However, we weren't so lucky to see the beautiful light and shadow from the colorful windows in the church. One reason, it was already 22:00 in the night =.= ; second, althought we passed by Notre Dame on the last day of the trip, but it was noon, so there was still no beautiful light that was crossing the wonderful stained windows.... what a pitty !
The last pic of that night.
Notre Dame with the light
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